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[obeir]

KD6-3.7
3313 Creampuff Way


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[obeir]

[ With Connor taking his wrist, K stops trying to undress either of them further, glancing between Connor's hand and his face with an uncertain look. He carefully drapes the suit jacket over top of his sweater on the counter with his free hand, ensuring it won't get creased. Conscientious about others' possessions even while having an incredibly difficult and emotional conversation. ]

Not the entire time. And I know you're not using me. [ He answers quietly, his eyes shifting away again as his brow furrows. His expression is just sad. And when Connor lifts his chin, it's hard not to keep looking away, but after a long moment he meets Connor's eyes. ] But there's a lot... we don't really talk about. What we are to each other. What you do want with me. Whether you want to be with other people too, or— I just didn't know. And I don't always know what is or isn't okay to ask you about.

[ But there's a reason for that. He's going to have to address the elephant in the room. ]

In our homeworld... When I'd ask you what it's like, being how you are. A person with free will, breaking free from your programming. You— I could tell, you didn't want to talk to me about it. Didn't want to talk about how maybe I could be capable of the same. And I still don't understand why. It's why I stopped asking about it. [ The one person who can truly understand K's situation because he's been there himself, the one person whom K should be able to talk to about it, but he feels like he can't. Because Connor doesn't want to, or maybe — is too afraid to. It's something. And it hurts in a way he doesn't know how to express. How terribly alone he's sometimes felt when it comes to this, how each development and shift in himself that seems to be bringing him closer to personhood has been confusing and frightening instead of something he can celebrate.

Perhaps it may make a little more sense now, why K hadn't assumed Connor would want anything more permanent with him, and the self-deprecation, the insecurities. ]

I've felt very alone, sometimes. [ He eventually admits aloud, reaching to take Connor's hands in his, as though afraid he might pull away or try to avoid the topic of personhood even now. ]