obeir | WTL Inbox

[ Time has done little to ease his raw emotions and it's clearly reflected in the way his expression falls when he sits up from petting Bear. The look settles into a thousand-yard stare directed at the floor as he wonders what he's supposed to say to that. This never gets easier. ]

... Thanks. For caring. [ He eventually manages, uncertainly. ] For— inviting me over, too. But I should probably let you rest. [ What with still recovering from the attack and all. ]

I'm not gonna make you talk about it.

[Alfie says, lifting a hand in reassurance.]

And you're welcome to stay and chat, if you like; I'll change the subject. But I wanted those words to be said between us.

[ It's very difficult talking about it, and yet it feels somehow worse not talking about it, as though he's doing Connor a grave disservice. Part of the reason why it's been easier keeping to himself for the most part and grieving privately. ]

It's all right. I don't know what to say... What can be said in these situations?

[ He knows Alfie's been through it before with Emily, and possibly also with others he was close to here or in Norfinbury. So at least there's that shared understanding, as terrible as it is to have. ]

Nothing. Often, there's nothing at all to be said.

[He slumps a little, and Bear looks over at him, concerned, before going back to nudging at and leaning into K's hand.]

There's the cliches, of course, but I'm sure you've heard them already, from others or from yourself. I'm not much of one for cliches, me. Bringing food is the only one I'll stoop to.

[ Seeming to come back to himself a bit, K looks up from the floor to continue petting Bear. In an odd way, he's suddenly reminded of Royce somehow knowing how best to comfort him when they'd talked about this. He could've learned it from Bear, K thinks, privately maybe a little amused by the thought. ]

Gabriel and Phil have been doing that, with food. It's a kind gesture. I just... haven't wanted to eat. [ He admits, sounding regretful that he hasn't been capable of properly appreciating their kindness. Not that he intends to waste the food completely. ]

You know, I've never asked if you need to.

[He says, looking thoughtfully at K. He knows that he can, of course; he's seen him eating at their dinners often enough.]

I need to for the same reason humans need to. [ K explains matter-of-factly. ] Androids like Connor are different, they have no use for organic food. And... can't actually taste it, anyway.

[ He tilts his head. ] That's why he always gave me his food at dinners and parties.

[ Alas, now he'll only be eating for one instead of two. So much for his plans to get fat during his "retirement". ]

Yeah, I did know that about him; he was a good sport to come along regardless.

[Though Alfie suspects it had been mostly for K's benefit, he'd liked the man all the same - liked him even more, maybe, because of that.]

You know about the memorial wall?

Over in Bucky's yard, yes. [ He frowns thoughtfully. ] But Connor isn't dead.

[ Even though, considering the world and circumstances Connor was returned to, the probability is much higher than K cares to think about. ]

[Alfie can't help but smile just a little at that.]

That's always been my reaction, yes. But it's helped Royce with Emily. When I brought up the issue with John, he reasoned that memorials are for the dead, but a monument can also be for a living man. Perhaps you could make him a monument, eh?

[ It's surprising to hear that it's helped Royce with Emily being Unlost — K would've thought that would seem too much like giving up on the hope of ever seeing her again, for Royce. But he'll keep that thought to himself. ]

A monument sounds better. A reminder. I could do that... [ In some place that had meaning for Connor here, maybe. Something he can show Connor if Zephyr ever finds him again. ] It'd be nice. Thank you for the idea.

Yeah.

[He's glad he can help in some way, at least. All too often, that's impossible to do, when friends of friends go missing.

He opens his mouth and leans forward a little, like he's going to say something more; then, changing his mind (or at least considering it), he sits back again.]

[ K almost doesn't want to ask because the subject is such an emotional minefield for him right now. But... ]

Was there something else?

I'm trying to think of how to phrase it.

[He admits ruefully.]

I don't often find myself at a loss for words. Even less often, I find myself admitting to it.

Oh. That's all right. [ He assumes Alfie may still be trying to comfort him, which is kind but unnecessary. And the time of the year does provide a convenient shift of topic. ] It's close to Rosh Hashanah, isn't it? I remember your bulletin board note about it last year.

[ Something he'd assumed he wouldn't be welcome at as a stranger. And of the invited guests he'd only really known Renart, who understandably wouldn't have thought to invite him too — but in hindsight he's sorry to have missed it. Maybe he could've met Emily. ]

[He hesitates just a moment more before accepting the change in topic, taking in a long sip of his tea before he answers.]

It is, yeah. We'll be doing another dinner - we did one last year.

[He doesn't remember if K had been around for the last one - it had taken place months before they'd first started to get to know each other.]

That's good. Means I'll get to see what it's about this year, assuming it's open to everyone.

[ He wouldn't bother with any other gathering in the Meadous right now. But he'll make the effort to show up for this one, even if it'll be sad going without Connor, only because he knows these sorts of things are important to Alfie, and Royce by extension.

He's a little curious, too, whether Renart and Monty will show up now. Probably not, but hopefully things won't be too awkward if they do. ]

It will be, yeah, like last year. I'll put another note up.

[He pauses for a moment, mentally counting out the days.]

Fucking hell, I should get on that soon. Time slips by fast.

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