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[ Don't mind K going to get another wine glass while he listens. It's only a moment before he's back and pouring both of them some wine, hoping his instincts were correct as he nudges Royce's glass closer to him.

There's the urge to ask for specifics about what Royce has been unable to do, but he always tries to keep that "you ask a lot of questions" remark in mind. There are ways to converse without making it sound like an interrogation. His inexperience just makes it hard, sometimes. ]

I hope playing the piano isn't unpleasant for you. [ Because it involves a whole lot of concentrated focus on his fingers. ] It's okay if you want to hold off on lessons for a while. When I first noticed Alfie's hands... [ The inexplicable shaking after wishing for the memories. ] He was clear about not needing my help. I won't take it personally if you decline, too, but — I'd like you to know the offer's there, if I can help in any way.

Edited 2019-05-09 09:36 (UTC)

[ Royce looks confused for a second when K stands up - but he gets it quick enough. K's instinct was right; Royce wasn't comfortable drinking alone, so when K grabs his own, he feels a little less like a lush. He takes the glass, sipping at it carefully. ]

The piano is fine. It's a reminder that I have all of my fingers. [ He says wryly. As for the offer of help, Royce pauses, and then: ] I won't decline, necessarily, but - I don't know that there's much you can do about it directly. It's a fear that I have to overcome myself.

[ He swirls the wine in his glass absently. ] Hunting has really been the only obstacle I've faced. And it's not even the hunting that bothers me, it's the skinning the animals after.

[ When Royce finally has some of the wine, K's privately rather pleased that he must've guessed correctly. He's learning.

At least it's a gentle sort-of-rejection of his offer. He can appreciate that, even if it's disappointing. Far preferable to taking offense. ]

And doing the skinning for you wouldn't help? [ Maybe a little avoidance wouldn't exactly be a bad thing right now. ]

[ He looks uncomfortable at the idea. ]

I - appreciate where the thought is coming from. [ Royce says, haltingly. ] You want to help. And it would be helpful, but it - it would make me feel like a child. Useless and humiliated, to not be able to do something that I've never had a problem with before.

[ He rubs at the bridge of his nose, and then takes another sip of wine. ]

You can help in other ways, if you really find the need to. The piano lessons help. Doing the things I can't do, for me - I just. [ He's embarrassed. That's mostly what it is. ]

[ Now K's regretting already showing his hand, since it means he can't get away with delivering butchered meat to Royce or Alfie under the pretense of having too much and not wanting it to spoil. Well, he still could, but he hardly wants to make Royce feel worse about his situation. ]

Accepting help when it's needed isn't a weakness. [ He idly comments as he sits back, trying some of the stir-fry now himself. It's not weakness, it's survival as far as he's concerned. But he does understand it's different for people who've been socialised to think and act certain ways, particularly when it comes to masculinity and all the many unhealthy ways it's expressed. The insecurities of emotionally fragile human men are not fun to be on the receiving end of, something he knows from experience. ]

Would you mind company when you hunt, or just— when you do the skinning? I wouldn't get in your way or do it for you. [ He'd just... be there. ] Like on the space station. Being reminded of where you were and what was going on seemed to help you. [ He adds, quieter, hoping it won't embarrass Royce. There's no reason to be embarrassed. ]

[ There's no getting past the embarrassment - he was a hardened killer in Elan, he's dismembered what feels like hundreds of people, and it never fucked him up this badly before. But there's something that's different about living through the attempt of having someone do it to you. Something different about laying in a cell, forgetting who you are, missing limbs and being unable to speak - it was the worst of Manzant, compressed into four days. Another sip of wine, and then he puts the glass down to massage at his fingers again. He's starting to look slightly humiliated, sinking down slightly. ]

I -- [ He starts, and then stops. A beat, as he clears his throat, looking down at his bowl. ] If you really want to be there, I suppose I don't mind.

[ He knows K wants to help. He doesn't want to discourage that, he doesn't want to make K feel bad, but it's like making his way through a minefield. One wrong step, and it'll end up with K feeling as if his help is being pushed away because he's not human. That isn't the case. Royce just isn't sure how to put it clearly. ]

I know you don't believe me, but just being around and distracting me from it, or letting me talk about it - that helps plenty.

[ The reaction makes him furrow his brow as he watches Royce with obvious concern, but he isn't convinced his offer was the wrong direction to take this. Maybe he's just the wrong one making the offer. Maybe it needs to come from someone Royce is close with, someone he actually trusts.

He's quiet for a long moment, before eventually looking away, staring down at his lap instead and absently picking at his food. ]

I can believe it helps. It helps me, too. I'm sorry I've made you uncomfortable.

You can tell me "no," it's all right. You basically already did. [ He adds with a brief glance toward Royce. ] I realise... it should be someone you're more comfortable with, if anyone accompanies you. Alfie isn't bothered by the skinning, is he? [ He'd be the obvious first choice for Royce, K assumes. ] And I'm sure Renart wouldn't be. Or Gabriel — he still shares his meat with me, so I know he isn't bothered. [ And K knows they're close. He's glad for it, even if part of him is also a little sad assuming he'll never be that for Royce — someone to trust. Royce presumably already has enough people who could help him, it isn't like he even needs another. ]

Edited 2019-05-13 10:15 (UTC)

[ Royce shakes his head, abruptly. ]

I don't want anybody there with me. [ He says, finally. He looks down at his fingers. ] I don't want Alfie there, or Renart, or Gabriel. It's embarrassing. [ His voice gets unsteadier, here. ] It has nothing to do with who I'm comfortable with. I don't need anybody looking at me like I'm --

[ He stops, and takes his wine again. ] It needs to stop happening. I will make it stop happening, and then it won't be an issue.

[ ... Oh. Of course. That makes sense. A matter of — pride, then. He's back to watching Royce for another long moment before he responds. ]

What happened in that corridor of the Libra Station plays out in my dreams most nights. [ He says quietly. ] Each moment stretched out so the details become magnified. Inescapable. [ And he opts to keep those details to himself. It's unfortunate for a whole host of reasons, not least of which being that his bad nights have also been costing Connor his rest. But he isn't sharing this to make Royce feel worse, more as a reminder. These problems won't make K suddenly treat or look at him differently. ]

Embarrassing. [ He's smiling faintly as he glances down. It isn't funny. It's more — a relief, that it isn't something worse. Embarrassment can be dealt with. ] I think you'll survive that, if you have to. It does need to stop happening. And if I can directly help with that, or make it easier in any way, I'd still like to.

[ Possibly counteract how guilty and helpless the memories and dreams make him feel, too. But mainly for Royce's sake. ]

[ He's surprised, actually - he glances up at K with a confused look when K mentions he's had dreams about what happened in the Libra Station. He would've thought - well, he would've thought that would be nothing, for someone like K. It's kind of nice, in a way. Horrible, yes, and Royce wouldn't want him to continue having the dreams, but - it affected K. ]

... Yeah, okay. [ He says finally, taking a sip of wine. He holds the glass in both hands, staring down into it. ] If you have any suggestions on how to make it stop happening, I'm all ears.

[ He shifts, frowning down into his glass. Quieter: ] I'm sorry you have dreams about the Station.

[ Nightmares aren't a new phenomenon and at least he knows how to handle them. With how much he's been forced to repress in his short life, it isn't surprising when something haunts his subconscious mind like this. And as long as he doesn't have to submit to any baseline tests again... ]

Short of having Zephyr remove the memories, keep facing them, I guess. [ Because obviously Royce shouldn't just give into the fear and give up hunting altogether. ] I know you don't want anybody with you, but I'd like to be. At least once. See how it goes. [ If it doesn't actually help Royce or if his presence makes everything worse, that'll be that. K won't ask to accompany him hunting again. Leaning back, he keeps his eyes down as he eats but his smile will probably give him away. ]

You said being distracted from it helps. What kind of distractions? [ Aside from piano lessons, of course. And it isn't just meant as teasing. ]

[ Deep breath, and then: ] Okay.

I'll probably be okay during the hunting itself. It's the after that bothers me the most. [ Royce says, drumming his fingers against the glass. That's acceptance - that he's okay with K accompanying him. Maybe having someone there will mean he won't even have the problem at all. But he hears K's smile in his voice, and glances up, smiling despite himself. ]

As far distractions go, anything. [ A pause. ] Talking about something entirely different tends to focus me while I'm panicking. [ He takes another sip. ] Films work too, but not in the moment, obviously.

[ Acceptance. It's a good feeling, being allowed to help. And if it turns out being there to talk Royce out of the panic does work, K will make an effort to be there every time he's skinning, if permitted. For as long as needed. ]

I'll keep that in mind. [ Including the films idea. He's only ever watched them with Connor and sometimes Joi — maybe they could all watch something together. Preferably something where the robots aren't the villains, which is such a common trope in Earth-based media it's hard to escape. ] When are you next planning on hunting?

[ He thinks about it, tilting his head back. ]

Soon. A few days from now. I'll... I'll send you a message. Or I'll have Lady bring it to you. [ Yes, he's trained his cat to deliver messages. ]

[ You can't just drop something like that and not expect questions, Royce. ]

You trained your cat to deliver mail? [ He sounds amused, glancing up. ] You trained a cat. [ Something that, to his understanding, is nigh impossible with how independent and willful cats are. They can't be made to do anything they don't want to. ] Are you sure she isn't a shapeshifter?

No, I'm not entirely sure. [ Royce says, amused. ] She's smart, and she seems to listen to me, like Bear does. Maybe it's the magic.

And I've only tested it once. She brought a note to Alfie, but who knows if she'll do it again. She's a cat.

[ The thought makes K smile. Not teasing now, but something softer. Royce is a bit like a cat himself, he thinks, that's probably why Lady listens to him. ]

I'll keep an eye out for her. I hope I'm allowed to give her a treat for her services. [ Forgoing the water for now, he sips from his glass of wine. ] Should I bring anything? For the hunting. [ He doesn't mean a weapon. More checking if Royce anticipates needing anything, like maybe something to get cleaned up with. Which K intends to bring regardless of his answer — to clean any blood off Royce's hands. ]

You are. She's spoiled for just about everything else. [ Royce hums. He takes another sip of his wine. ]

And... I don't know. Just yourself is fine. I have what I need to hunt, and all the tools to - to do the rest are at the butchery.

I can do that. [ It's said almost to himself as he finishes the food while he considers things. Then he speaks up. ] The films, too, if you'd like to sometime. [ Maybe not the Lord of the Rings if that's something special that Royce and Alfie share, but there's plenty of other choices. Including ones K could wish for from his own homeworld.

Getting up, he returns the stack of sheet music to the back of his piano and lingers there for a moment, before taking a seat to play something. Sometimes inspiration just strikes. ]

Edited 2019-05-23 02:41 (UTC)

Mm. I would.

[ He goes quiet for a little bit just to listen, because piano, if nothing else, soothes him. He's not sure why, but there's something about the sound of a real piano being played that has him sitting back and closing his eyes.

When K is finished, Royce doesn't open his eyes, but he speaks up. ]

That also works. [ Sniff. ] The music. It helps, too.

[ K looks up when Royce speaks again, and the sight of him finally looking more relaxed — and not fidgeting with his hands — kindles an unexpected warmth in his chest. Despite all he's been told about androids being incapable of genuine empathy, genuine anything, it still feels real enough in moments like this.

Music, though. That's easy to provide, and something he enjoys doing. ]

You should come by more often. [ He says after a time, in the lull between the end of the last song and the beginning of the next. ] Whenever you want company. Even if you don't. Just sit and listen and not talk, if that's what you need. [ Even though K spends several hours a day playing piano at the Phone Tap, he frequently plays it whenever he's home as well — and knows how to appreciate a good comfortable silence. Connor's also usually around, and maybe his endless inquisitiveness could be a good distraction, too. ]

[ He listens, and it eases him up the rest of the way. And when K speaks up, Royce offers him a little smile. ]

Yeah. I will. [ He doesn't think he needs an excuse to come listen to piano. ] Maybe I'll come by and read. If you don't mind.

Thanks, K.

Of course I don't mind. [ Being a nice place to curl up with a book or play the piano seem to have been the main inspirations for K's Meadous home, after all. He hadn't exactly had many other preferences or hobbies for Zephyr to draw from.

Possibly getting some book recommendations from Royce is also something to look forward to.

Since he seems content to listen, and K's happy to continue playing, he does so, weaving in more than a few of the Lord of the Rings songs for Royce's benefit. Knowing how they sound on piano may make learning them easier in the future. ]

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