[ K absolutely doesn't realise he does it; he thinks of himself the way he's been programmed to.
Better than Watson? That's... huh.
Leaning his chin against his hands, he's quiet for a moment as he digests that information. It seems strange, with John not only being a human presumably capable of real empathy, but a doctor, two significant advantages he has over an android designed for obedience and murder. ]
It went better than I thought it would. [ He admits, sounding surprised by this fact. ] He warned me he might snap at me— never did. I talked to him to keep him present. Cleaned his hands when the blood was getting to him. I didn't think he'd let me... but he did.
[ For a moment, K has a look of incomprehension. Royce has become one of his closest friends, but it's still very unexpected to be told it's reciprocated. ] Oh. [ It's a surprised but pleased sort of oh. And then he's quiet for long enough it may seem that's all he has to say, until: ] He's one of mine, too.
He doesn't like talking about these things. It embarrasses him. [ With anyone but Alfie, he assumes. Maybe Gabriel, since he's from the same place and Royce's other closest friend. When it comes to most Norfinbury matters, it's hard not feeling kind of like an outsider. ]
...I'll ask him. [ While K doesn't sound wholly convinced, it wouldn't be the first time he's been wrong about a friend's willingness to confide in him. He'll trust Alfie's judgment on the matter. He looks down at his hands again as he elaborates. ]
If it had gone poorly with me, that was going to be that. Just the one time. But he agreed to let me come with him again. [ An agreement that seems even more significant now, after finding out about Watson. That Royce is still willing to trust him with this isn't something he takes lightly. ]
[Fleetingly, a little frown crosses Alfie's face - not because he has any problem with the idea of Royce and K going hunting, but because Royce had seemed very unsure about the idea of going with him. The idea that he'd be willing to go with K again, but not with Alfie--
But no, he's not going to talk about that, and it's only a second or two before he forces his face to smooth out again, as even and level as it had been before.]
He'll get better and better with more practice, if he keeps insisting on forcing himself through it. That's what I'm thinking. I only wish it didn't make him suffer so much now.
He will. He'll get through it. And I'll go with him as often as he lets me. [ It's easy to assume the frown is just from worrying about Royce... and yet. It makes him wish he wasn't so tipsy at the moment, because while it helps dull the headache, it also dulls his senses in ways he doesn't like. ]
It's hard on you too, all of this. [ He ventures to guess. He hasn't given up on trying to offer Alfie a shoulder to lean on, too, despite invariably being turned down. He just attempts to be more subtle about it now. ] Do your hands still bother you? [ The shaking, he means. ]
Time and distance, the panacea for most ills. [ It probably sounds funny coming from someone barely a couple years old, but even K understands the truth of it. The good news makes him smile. ]
I'm glad it's getting better. I think it'll be the same for Royce. [ Especially because Royce occasionally accepts help from others. He isn't sure if Alfie does that with anyone but Royce, but is hesitant to actually ask. ]
[ So he has been a help, in some way. It has him looking noticeably happier. ]
If you ever do want more than that... Like how Royce lets me hunt with him. [ Just putting it out there again. It's been long enough since the last time he offered for it to hopefully not seem like pestering. ]
The question makes K hesitate only because he'd thought Royce was responsible for the household hunting chores. Maybe Alfie's trying to help him out? ] If you'd like me to come with you, yes. [ Preferably sober, though. ] Or anything else you might want help with. You hunt?
[ The words have K's expression falling into something more carefully neutral, but still receptive. It seems he may have misjudged, again. ]
I was specifically designed for law enforcement. [ Which he thought Alfie knew, but there are no rhetorical questions with androids. ] More broadly, to aid humanity while adhering to the three laws I told you about, like all androids.
[ Congrats on cracking the code, Alfie. It's kind of embarrassing having it laid bare like this, the way his approach to friendship is so obviously influenced by the fact he was designed to serve humans. But since there's no escaping that uncomfortable truth... ]
I understand. And I try not to do it with you. [ He admits, absently massaging one of his temples with a hand. Explaining android programming to someone from Alfie's time is, well — he doesn't really know where to begin. ]
I can't choose my own directives. I can't... choose to not feel the compulsion to help. I try ignoring it. [ Then, reluctantly, voice low: ] The harder I try, the worse the headaches get; I'm not meant to ignore my programming like this.
[Alfie asks, frowning slightly; this is the first he's heard about these.]
Mm. And I don't suppose they're the sort that can be eased with medication. Right; what if I tell you that having a mate does help, then? More than a servant would, certainly.
I don't think the doctors here can do much. [ K agrees with a shake of his head. He'd like to go get checked just to rule out old head injuries as a possible cause, but his past experiences with doctors prevent him. There's also the fact not all of his anatomy is analogous to a human's. ]
And I'm glad if it helps. [ And, surprisingly, it does ease the nagging compulsion. Not as much as he'd like, but enough to be discernible. Enough to have him looking more clear-eyed despite the effects of the alcohol. Interesting. ] With people I don't know, that's when I can mostly ignore the feeling. It's different with the people I actually know. And like. [ He adds with a raised eyebrow. Friends, in other words. ] Does this mean our hunting trip's cancelled?
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Better than Watson? That's... huh.
Leaning his chin against his hands, he's quiet for a moment as he digests that information. It seems strange, with John not only being a human presumably capable of real empathy, but a doctor, two significant advantages he has over an android designed for obedience and murder. ]
It went better than I thought it would. [ He admits, sounding surprised by this fact. ] He warned me he might snap at me— never did. I talked to him to keep him present. Cleaned his hands when the blood was getting to him. I didn't think he'd let me... but he did.
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What happened with Watson?
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Ah, he can tell you about Watson, if he wants to; it's not really my place, is it.
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I doubt he'll want to. But after what happened between them during that rain Zephyr caused, I guess I shouldn't be surprised it didn't go well.
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[It's true; Alfie can't deny that.]
But you're close, and you saw what you saw.
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If it had gone poorly with me, that was going to be that. Just the one time. But he agreed to let me come with him again. [ An agreement that seems even more significant now, after finding out about Watson. That Royce is still willing to trust him with this isn't something he takes lightly. ]
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But no, he's not going to talk about that, and it's only a second or two before he forces his face to smooth out again, as even and level as it had been before.]
He'll get better and better with more practice, if he keeps insisting on forcing himself through it. That's what I'm thinking. I only wish it didn't make him suffer so much now.
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It's hard on you too, all of this. [ He ventures to guess. He hasn't given up on trying to offer Alfie a shoulder to lean on, too, despite invariably being turned down. He just attempts to be more subtle about it now. ] Do your hands still bother you? [ The shaking, he means. ]
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Sometimes. Yeah. But less than they used to, and not at all at the moment. Time and distance, I suppose; that does the trick.
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I'm glad it's getting better. I think it'll be the same for Royce. [ Especially because Royce occasionally accepts help from others. He isn't sure if Alfie does that with anyone but Royce, but is hesitant to actually ask. ]
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If you ever do want more than that... Like how Royce lets me hunt with him. [ Just putting it out there again. It's been long enough since the last time he offered for it to hopefully not seem like pestering. ]
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[He knows very well what he means, but he wants him to come right out and say it.]
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The question makes K hesitate only because he'd thought Royce was responsible for the household hunting chores. Maybe Alfie's trying to help him out? ] If you'd like me to come with you, yes. [ Preferably sober, though. ] Or anything else you might want help with. You hunt?
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[Alfie drums his fingers on his knee, eyes on K.]
So it's about help. Always help, with you. When you were built, what sort of purpose did your creators have in mind for you?
[It sounds like a non sequitur, but he has a point here, he swears.]
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I was specifically designed for law enforcement. [ Which he thought Alfie knew, but there are no rhetorical questions with androids. ] More broadly, to aid humanity while adhering to the three laws I told you about, like all androids.
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[He repeats, still drumming.]
Yes. You were created to be helpful to humans, and when you feel you're not living up to that, you're-- what? Uncomfortable? You feel useless?
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Yes. Usually I can ignore it. [ Even though he probably isn't meant to be able to. He pauses. ] Sometimes I can't.
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[He says - a touch dryly, but without any real hint of annoyance.]
But I'd prefer you as a friend, mate, not some sort of helper. Do you understand?
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I understand. And I try not to do it with you. [ He admits, absently massaging one of his temples with a hand. Explaining android programming to someone from Alfie's time is, well — he doesn't really know where to begin. ]
I can't choose my own directives. I can't... choose to not feel the compulsion to help. I try ignoring it. [ Then, reluctantly, voice low: ] The harder I try, the worse the headaches get; I'm not meant to ignore my programming like this.
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[Alfie asks, frowning slightly; this is the first he's heard about these.]
Mm. And I don't suppose they're the sort that can be eased with medication. Right; what if I tell you that having a mate does help, then? More than a servant would, certainly.
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And I'm glad if it helps. [ And, surprisingly, it does ease the nagging compulsion. Not as much as he'd like, but enough to be discernible. Enough to have him looking more clear-eyed despite the effects of the alcohol. Interesting. ] With people I don't know, that's when I can mostly ignore the feeling. It's different with the people I actually know. And like. [ He adds with a raised eyebrow. Friends, in other words. ] Does this mean our hunting trip's cancelled?
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