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3313 Creampuff Way
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3313 Creampuff Way
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3313 Creampuff Way
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3313 Creampuff Way
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only the best for the best c:
his test of the water temperature and chemical composition with the specific additives in precise quantities he'd included seems to all make for a positive report in his HUD, so it should be a comfortable and pleasant experience for someone feeling down in the dumps. the record player is tuned just right, it's just a shame that he couldn't find better candles-- but it's a thought process he quickly abandons once K's in the room and taking it all in. Connor stands from his crouched position by the bathtub, returning the smile as he grasps K's offered hand and steps in close.
there's a positive notification in his HUD - looks like everything is well received, at least at first glance. full conclusion to be reached once actually taking part in the whole homemade spa experience, of course, but seeing the smile and hearing the softspoken appreciation is certainly worth it. ]
You're very welcome. [ Connor's free hand moves to the other side of K's face, affectionately brushing both thumbs across his cheekbones. ] I thought that perhaps, it might help cheer you up a little. You seem ... troubled, lately. I wanted to do something special for you.
[ with his motivations revealed, he hopes it's not something that'll make K uncomfortable or upset him further - he's not sure if it would at all, but he does know that in the past, he's had problems with overstepping boundaries despite only having good intentions. though there is the invitation to join in to consider, so maybe K isn't put off or upset by Connor's observations. he hopes not, at least. ]
I'd be more than happy to join you. And, between the two of us, [ said while moving one hand down to tug on the collar of K's coat, ] I believe you are the one who is overdressed.
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Then there's their relationship and his growing concerns and insecurities that were exacerbated in the worst way by the space station business. Most of it ties in with his lack of personhood and thinking Connor would surely be happier with a real person — something he's avoided discussing for the aforementioned reasons.
Covering Connor's hands with his own, he gives each a light, affectionate squeeze, and turns his head toward the one touching his face, pressing a kiss to Connor's palm. Then he ducks his head as a feeling of guilt settles heavily in his stomach. ]
What happened with the space station. Madame and the Chariot Unit. It's made it harder to ignore certain things about myself.
[ He doesn't look up as he slowly pulls off his coat and hangs it up, and his hands hover uncertainly for a moment. He almost hates to do this now, after Connor's gone to all this trouble doing something incredibly thoughtful for him, but if not now, then when? It's probably past time they — at least discuss what they are to each other, define their relationship, their expectations. Boundaries. They need to begin somewhere. If Connor even still wants to be with him after this. ]
I know you're... limited, in what you can experience with me. Limited in ways you wouldn't be with a real person. Whether or not they're human. [ The words are difficult to get out. Pulling off his sweater, mostly to keep his hands busy, he folds it neatly and sets it on the counter, then anxiously glances at Connor. ] I want you to know I'm grateful for what you've given me and allowed me to experience. I always will be. And I'm happy to— to be with you until you find someone better.
[ Perhaps an inevitability in the Meadous, he thinks. People are much kinder to them here than in their homeworld. And he isn't blind. Phil has taken a particular liking to Connor, making time to spend with him privately in a way he's apparently never wanted to with K. Not exactly subtle, their Erosian baker boss. Nor has he missed the way some patrons and other residents look at Connor, their behaviour around him; he surely has options here, if he decides he wants them.
And that's the thing. He'd like Connor to be truly happy. Even if it isn't with him. Connor shouldn't settle for anything less than what he wants and deserves, as far as K's concerned. ]
All I ask is you never lie to me. Once you find that someone. [ He goes on after a few moments, reaching for the hem of his t-shirt but hesitating. He's back to staring at the floor. Then, instead of continuing to undress himself, he reaches to carefully help Connor out of his suit jacket if he'll let him. ] Someone with free will... With whom you can experience everything you want to. Someone who at least has a name. [ He makes a self-deprecating sound. ] Not something with a serial number, that no one even cared to name.
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and he did want K to talk about it. he wanted to encourage him to be open and honest, to tell him about whatever it was that had been troubling him for the past while so he could understand, and try to help. it was important, encouraging these things - talking about their feelings, new and strange and frightening as they could be, both of them in different places in self discoveries but truthfully not that far apart. there had to be something he could do, no matter what the issue was. surely.
listening to K admit to it all out loud, hearing the self depreciating tone of his voice and the defeating words, has Connor doubting that earlier thought.
his smile fades, the blue light of his LED swirling yellow and blinking as he tries his best to process everything he's been told. he knows the Chariot situation had been a trying one, things had been tense and uncomfortable, and calculating his observations he notes that it had been shortly after their return when everything started taking a turn. he hadn't been oblivious to it. but perhaps, he could've done more, sooner. perhaps it wouldn't have gotten this bad. if he'd been more observant, more attentive, more ... something. just more. K manages to slide his jacket off his shoulders before Connor reaches to grasp his wrist, his confusion evident in his expression, if not the slight tremble in his hand. ] I don't ... understand.
You've felt like this ... the entire time we've been together? [ Connor dismisses error messages, conflicting instructions and notifications of stress levels from his HUD, so there's nothing obstructing his gaze into K's own, even if he has to duck his head down to do so. a real person? whether or not they're human? whenever he finds "that someone?" lying to him? ] That you're just ... a test run, while I figure things out and move on?
[ it seems absurd, far beyond believable thought, but it's upsetting K and he needs to reassure him that it's not the case. he steps closer again, reaching to tilt K's chin up. ] K, I don't want to be with anyone else. I want to be with you. And I-- I'm very ... very sorry, that I haven't made you feel that way. You're not ... you're not temporary. Not in the slightest.
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Not the entire time. And I know you're not using me. [ He answers quietly, his eyes shifting away again as his brow furrows. His expression is just sad. And when Connor lifts his chin, it's hard not to keep looking away, but after a long moment he meets Connor's eyes. ] But there's a lot... we don't really talk about. What we are to each other. What you do want with me. Whether you want to be with other people too, or— I just didn't know. And I don't always know what is or isn't okay to ask you about.
[ But there's a reason for that. He's going to have to address the elephant in the room. ]
In our homeworld... When I'd ask you what it's like, being how you are. A person with free will, breaking free from your programming. You— I could tell, you didn't want to talk to me about it. Didn't want to talk about how maybe I could be capable of the same. And I still don't understand why. It's why I stopped asking about it. [ The one person who can truly understand K's situation because he's been there himself, the one person whom K should be able to talk to about it, but he feels like he can't. Because Connor doesn't want to, or maybe — is too afraid to. It's something. And it hurts in a way he doesn't know how to express. How terribly alone he's sometimes felt when it comes to this, how each development and shift in himself that seems to be bringing him closer to personhood has been confusing and frightening instead of something he can celebrate.
Perhaps it may make a little more sense now, why K hadn't assumed Connor would want anything more permanent with him, and the self-deprecation, the insecurities. ]
I've felt very alone, sometimes. [ He eventually admits aloud, reaching to take Connor's hands in his, as though afraid he might pull away or try to avoid the topic of personhood even now. ]